Socialization

[tirinian]

So there was a zephyr conversation yesterday about the merits of school (vs. homeschooling) in socializing children.

Having thought about it for a while, I'm pretty sure the thing that school taught me was how to ignore people. I'm often most comfortable sitting in a room that other people are in, doing something totally unrelated to whatever they're doing (reading, on the computer, whatever). I can still name a few people from Elementary school, but mostly they're this vast blur of unremembered faces, and even of the ones I remember, I'm fairly sure there were only two (John and Neil) that ever got invited over to my house, or whose house I went to visit at. There were a couple other kids I played with at home sometimes (I probably saw izmirian a couple times a month in elementary school, and the neighbors grandkids came over sometimes and we'd play something with them), but mostly it was just me and my brother until junior high.

It wasn't that I was picked on particularly, or anything. I got to play four square or climb on the jungle gym or whatever during recess if I felt like it, without getting called names or pushed around (although I was in the "picked late/last for teams" state, most of the time). It was just that other kids didn't interest me, so I didn't pay attention to them. I'd go to the library enough for recess that I remember teachers telling me "Wouldn't you rather go outside? It's nice out."

I'm not clear if that counts as being socialized in any useful sense, really. But I don't think that being home schooled would have been better for me.

Comments

[desireearmfeldt]

I'm not sure "become socialized" and "make friends" are synonymous. There's a lot to learn about interacting with other people, and cultural norms and expectations, and so on, even if you don't especially like the particular other people in question.

I'm also tempted to say that for me, at least, the fact that I tend to ignore/edit out a lot of the people around me means that I benefit from being in proximity to a largeish number of people, just so I have a chance of bumping up against the couple I can bond with. If I stayed home, I wouldn't make any friends at all. (But I'm not actually sure how well this logic would hold up to a controlled experiment. :) )

One thing that I have noticed about school, for me, was that I learned a bunch of stuff that I'm glad to have learned, but it wouldn't have occured to me to learn about if someone hadn't put it in front of me. I suspect socialization's a little like that, too.

(But then, I went to a wierd school that was well-suited to my particular needs, and gave a lot of individual freedom compared with most people's that I know.)

[firstfrost.livejournal.com]

I didn't really learn to make friends until junior high or so. But I moved around a lot in elementary school, so I don't remember anyone at all from then.

I'm often most comfortable sitting in a room that other people are in, doing something totally unrelated to whatever they're doing (reading, on the computer, whatever).

It's interesting that you ascribe this to "having learned to ignore people". Obviously, I have this same characteristic (or there wouldn't be the phenomenon of "all three people are in the smallest room in the house ignoring each other"), but I self-analyze it as "I'm more lonely/bored by myself". I'd rather be around people, whether or not I'm ignoring them. I've never lived by myself, and really don't ever want to.

(And from a different zephyr conversation from yesterday, this is part of why I'm happy in my open-cube setup at work, rather than wanting my own office, too.)

[desireearmfeldt]

Whereas I have trouble in that sort of situation precisely because it's difficult for me to ignore people. (Well, I do OK if the people aren't making noise, like "we're all sitting around reading seperate books," but it doesn't work if they're having a conversation.)

But, I'm also not very used to having people as my environment, rather than my purpose. That is, these days, if I'm with people it's for the purpose of being with people. In school, it was much more that the environment contained people who I might or might not want to interact with, and I think I did to some extent tune them out then. (And, my friends and I would sit together at lunch and then each read a book, which was more the social ignoring you guys are talking about.)

Of course, I grew up in a house with no siblings...

It takes YOUR village to raise MY child.

[algorithmancy.livejournal.com]

In my experience, my going to school was my family's primary link to the community. I would venture to say that my parents made more (and more lasting) friendships through my school connections than I did. (Of course, they stayed in town long after I left, so they've had more of a chance to perpetuate those relationships.)

It seems to me that the biggest difference between school and homeschool isn't about learning or development, but rather that kind of participation in the community. The benefit isn't necessarily reaped by the student in question; it might be the family or the other students who benefit. If you're a kid who wants to learn with parents who want you to learn, then you make the whole community better just by being there.

I think this point gets lost on a lot of modern American parents, who seem to think purely in terms of how their own children can benefit, often at the expense of the larger community. The fear is "My kid might have to compete for a job with some kid from India" and somehow the conclusion is "I have to compete with the other parents for the teacher's time and attention," rather than "I should join forces with other parents to make sure we all succeed."

[algorithmancy.livejournal.com]

On the subject of being picked on, my childhood could have provided the basis for an entire season of after-school specials: Derogatory nicknames. Wedgies. Hazing. Maliciously broken bones. Insanely competitive soccer coaches. I wouldn't say my skin was any thicker as a result, nor that I was somehow damaged or traumatized. If those experiences gave me anything aside from a sense of righteious indignation, I'd say it was an empathy for certain kinds of pain.